When I got out of university (last April), I thought all will be well. I’ve earned myself a degree at the age of 21. I have made my parents proud by walking the stage. I have high hopes of advancing in my career path. I have gotten a job offer even before I graduated. All is looking bright for me. I kept telling myself, the Lord will provide. The Lord will bless me. I know Jesus has got my back. My faith was unshaken. My trust in Him has always been steadfast. My life’s motto has always been “let go and let God.” I kept repeating it to myself, “let go and let God… LGLG.” I know full well that God is preparing something big for me.
It wasn’t long when all the trials started to arise. The job that was offered for me earlier in the year has gotten reconsidered and I was lost with no job after graduation. I brushed it off, because I knew God is going to bless me with another. After a couple of interviews, I was blessed to find another job that fit perfectly for me. I thought to myself, “I knew God would not let me down. God is good!” However, the work that I have received became a burden to my service, and I had to choose to resign. Yet, the worries did not come. I prayed and hoped that God is faithful and that He will provide another. After months of searching, going into multiple interviews, I had no calls. No follow-ups. No experience in the work that I wanted to pursue. I had nothing. Regret started to fill my mind and I started to ask God what He wanted for me. I felt like Job (refer to the Bible: Book of Job).
I put off finding work and started focusing on serving. My life after graduation revolved around my community life. On my 22nd birthday (August), I offered the day of service for the Lord, and asked Him fervently, “Your will not mine.” Student loan mails started to come, and my grace period is almost up. Worries started to arise. The overwhelmed feeling of a student after graduation began. Bills started to pile up and my savings started to decrease. Parents started to question my career choice, and friends kept asking me about my job applications. All I could say was, “pray for me.” I badly needed prayers, because fear began to develop in my head.
A sister once said, “Once you let worries in, you let the devil in.” I guess being human and all, you cannot help but worry for what the future might hold. I’m almost out of patience for the Lord, and sometimes I question the decisions I have made and would ask Him, “Lord, why?” I guess you could say, I am not like Job at all, because I’m failing this test of faith miserably. I am rushing the Lord even though He already vouched for me. I had no intention of letting the devil in. I had no intention of letting my worries or fears in. I just couldn’t help myself.
They say that everyday, God speaks to us in many ways; whether it be through someone, something, or a situation that impacted our day. We ignore those messages or affirmations of God’s love as if we have forgotten Him during moments of trials. It is as if we blindly acknowledge our desires instead of God’s desires for our lives. Everyday I let worries come into my life. I struggle to see the big picture that the Lord has set upon me. I fail to open my eyes and my heart to the messages He constantly tries to reveal to me. You see, it’s not always easy. I take pleasure and joy in serving the Lord. I am at most happy, most joyful when I am serving Him, but through serving Him, through the prayers and sacrifices, through the actions and words that come out of my mouth–are but an ordinary human being with faults. The devil comes in all shapes and sizes, he comes in what is most pleasing to the eyes. And because you are serving, faithful, and committed, that’s when the devil lures you in his temptations disguised as your irresistible desires. It is difficult to trust the Lord, because everyday you have to constantly fight the battle within. It is difficult to patiently wait for the Lord… but I guess that’s a struggle I am still trying to overcome.
Lord, I humbly come before you as your child. I ask you for strength, for peace, for more love, more patience and more trust in You. I desire to follow You, but it’s difficult. It’s difficult because I am weak. Make me strong, provide me the strength. Continue to increase my faith because through that faith I know I will be able to trust You fully. Your promises, Your plans, Your love should be all I’ll ever need. Give me the grace to surrender myself to You. Amen. □