#BestLentEver – Day 4. WANT.

“Lord, I want more of You. I desire more of You…”

…have been my constant prayer throughout my faith journey. It’s my constant struggle battling between what I really want and desire for my life and what God desires for me. Sometimes I often think Him saying to me, “You say you want more of me but I want more of you too.” I find myself always just relying on my prayers asking God or rather telling God how He should just mold me, “Lord, make me more patient. Make me understand. Help me be less moody…” thinking that just by praying about it, God will snap His fingers and change me.

Snap.

I want more of You Jesus. Help me want more of You. I do really, but it’s not really enough to want something. It’s the first step, but it’s not enough. It doesn’t end there. It’s not enough to say, “I want to pass my exam” and then not study. You have to want and then act on that want.

Lord, let Your will be done always.

Pray for me. Pray for the world.

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#BestLentEver – Day 3. HOLE.

“I have a God size hole in my heart…”

…and I can’t help but fill it with empty fillers. I work full time. I kind of love my job. I kind of love where I’m headed… but there are days when I feel like I’m back where I’ve started. It’s true… nothing in this world can satisfy, but we try so hard to satisfy ourselves with wordly things. Why? Because why not.

I have a lot of things to work on in my life and fear takes the most part of the hole that I know only God can fill. Why? Because I’m scared of the unknown, scared of the future, scared that God might ask too much of me! But, knowing that there is a God willing to complete and put the pieces back gives me hope–hope in what He can offer me. I just need to trust more.

Help me to trust more. Pray for me. Pray for the world.

 

#BestLentEver – Day 2. Happiness.

“We know what makes us happy. We just don’t do them, because we’re too busy trying to be happy.”

Last night as I was reflecting upon instances of resistance in my life, I realized that I have a lot of things to work on–starting with not to keep pressing the snooze button in the morning… and of course daily prayer time.

I have always struggled with prayer time, mostly because I find doing other things amusing. What I know from experience though is that if I stick to my prayer time I am generally happier. So why don’t I do it? Because I feel that doing other things will make me happy. It does! But only for a moment and it doesn’t generally last.

What I found out from today’s experience (since I reflected and took a moment to spend time with God last night–that being Ash Wednesday) that I feel happier today. I enjoyed the presence of people around me and I was more patient today (which rarely happens). So now I know what makes me happier… but can I keep it up?

Please continue to pray for me. Pray for the world.

 

#BestLentEver – Day 1. RESISTANCE.

Been a while… in fact it’s been a year! As much as I have wanted to blog the past year… resistance just keeps getting in the way.

***Side note: Dynamic Catholic had started this program called #BestLentEver and since I have given up social media for the year (with the exception of WordPress of course), I decided to take part of the discussion… because why not?

Throughout my life, I’ve had many instances of resistance–not just in my day to day activities, but also in my faith… (it even took a lot of power within me to write this blog, typing away on my phone instead of getting cozy in bed… because why not?) I don’t even have an excuse for this because frankly I am really talented at doing nothing at all.

I really like sleep. Sleep is life. That is why my resistance game is so strong! Have you ever felt like your guardian angel pops you out of your bubble only to find yourself blowing up a new and bigger bubble? That is me!

So what is really my lenten resolution besides deciding to fast more? There’s really none but I just hope and pray to keep fighting the resistance within, not just during Lent but in my forever journey with the Lord.

Please pray for me. Pray for the world.

Desire

“What is your desire?” I asked myself. As I dug through my thoughts, I could not find the answer to my question. “What do you want to do?” Again I asked myself. Thoughts came rushing in my head, but no justifiable answer satisfied me. “What is making you happy?” It’s sad to think that after the third question, I still do not have a concrete answer that convinced me that what I’m even doing is worth it.

Today I came to a realization that feelings come to pass. I came to realize that the feelings that we have, will always resonate with the present and also will no longer matter in the future. We depend so much on what we feel or how we feel that we forget that these feelings come from our desire to share and create moments–create memories with the people around us. We focus our feelings about us so much that it molds us, it shapes us to be centered on our desire to always be happy.

“What is making you happy?” Again I asked myself. The answer to the question is unfortunately–the current state of my heart.

Lord, you know the desires of my heart. Let Your desires consume my weak, fragile (& slightly stubborn) heart. Amen.

God is speaking. Be silent.

Have you ever had that moment when you realize that God is trying to speak to you? Or was there ever a random moment that urged you to do something out of the ordinary and at the end of the day it all made sense to you? Am I even making sense? I have been feeling the need to express myself, but could not find the words. However, right now words seem to flow out of my mouth or rather hands, because I am… typing.

Let me begin. I have been rather mentally and physically exhausted. The emotional stress that I have been dealing with everyday rapidly drains every part of my being. I am not the type to show this side of me as I am a very private person–to most, this will come off as a surprise. But that’s just it. There is a constant need for me to hide my true self, however long I try… God seems to be pointing me towards something different.

Today, I heard him. Not the way you would think… not in some sort of a burning bush, or even through an angel (which would’ve been cool…er), instead He poked me at my weakest.

You see today, He pulled me to go to mass. I heard Him through the priest’s homily, “…God shows mercy not by the way he showers His blessings, but by the way He leads you to act in mercy.” I heard Him through the song on the radio (Shine FM), “What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise” -Blessings, Laura Story. I heard Him again, “Are you not the closest when it’s hardest to stand?” -Here I Am, Downhere. So what was His point? I’ve prayed and prayed for Him to reveal Himself to me, when all I had to do was be silent, because He is there. He is listening. Now be silent and listen with your heart.

 

Life is too short.

As I stood on the station platform waiting to be dismissed by firefighters/police officers, I can’t help but feel emotionally distressed. Today… I saw, felt, and heard someone get killed–ran over by the ctrain I was in.

Life is too short.

It was weird, because earlier in the day I was reading today’s Gospel from Luke 12, “…You must also be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an unexpected hour.” It got me thinking… if God took me today, will I be ready? Will you be ready?

I hope so… I pray so.

“Heavenly Father, I pray for the man who passed away due to the unfortunate incident today. May You grant him mercy and pardon him for all his sins. May You be with his loved ones during this difficult time. May his soul rest in peace. Amen.”